Ramblings...

Lots of celebrating going on at the Bowie house lately. Lots to celebrate. Birthday candles laying everywhere. Campbell's cookies. Chocolate and red velvet cupcakes. A Lisa Hill cake. A homemade caramel cake. Sugar cookies. Walt asks what I want for dinner... I pause, thinking of that double chocolate fudge cupcake I just scarfed down and wonder if there is evidence in my teeth :) 

I'm still getting peed on. Even got some spit up last night!

I'm getting to give him the best milk I can! Doctor told us breast milk is like medicine to his sweet body. Made me HAPPY!

We had a pallet party tonight and I got to read him The Very Hungry Caterpillar. 

We watched Elf the other night together while I ordered our four Christmas stockings. Old School Walt requested needlepoint...can't wait to post a picture once they come in. 

We have celebrated 12 birth days. Wow. We were prepared for 12 minutes. Marvelous provision...

He's been home from the hospital so long that we've had hospital visitors come by! Jeff Redding pointed that out to us :)

I ordered birth announcements today. They're so stinking cute. Way over budget but Walt obliged his excited wife. 

Wills is such a peaceful baby that he allows us to get rest. It's a blessing. I've never seen such sweet sleep in all my life.

Confession: I still haven't washed my peed on tank top! Or the outfit I went to the hospital in. Or any of his blankets. They just all smell so good!

Wrapping up... Wills' physical life is probably going to be much shorter than my heart wants to allow. But I just need to say this... Because of Jesus and what He has done in my heart through Wills, I will never stop looking for marvelous. He will always live on in my heart and in my search to dig up gold and find the marvelous. We serve a marvelous God, who marvelously blesses His children and I will never stop looking for or talking about the marvelous things He has done for me. 

Good night! Time to feed my Marvelous Fighter...

The Bowie boys. Can't keep em awake!

Walt cooked me dinner!

Too many blankets I know...he was just so comfy!

Digging up marvelous... The Word is alive!

Getting to empty the diaper genie! It's the little things :) 

Walt went back to work and I didn't lose it! He was back in two hours :)

Fenley insisted on touching his nose...

This mama's boy says Good Night!

Marvelous Joy

Hey y'all :)

Wish you could all see this story unfold from start to finish and hear every story of God's faithfulness. I'm crying just thinking of how loved we are in this.

I hesitate to write. I want to do Wills' story justice and be a good steward of our time with him and the story he and God are writing. I feel God just telling me to be myself...so that's what I'll do.

Wills' doctor, who has a heart for T18, was so motivated to get Wills home for us. No other doctor would have that mission for us. He has not been at our hospital for 6 months... Monday was his first day back and we were home by Tuesday. I cry thinking of him and the gift he was motivated for us to have...time at home with Wills. And we are headed into night 3 :) thank you Doctor...for letting God keep your heart so tender.

To moms ever facing the news of a fatal diagnosis for the baby in your womb... The doctors (most, anyway) are speaking of their PHYSICAL bodies. They can tell nothing of your child's spirit :) I encourage you to anticipate pregnancy with the sweetest joy at getting to meet your child's SPIRIT - we all have shells that are dying...but the spirit is a whole other story. I have spent the best 7 days of my life learning about who my son is. I talk to his strong and mighty spirit, not his tired and sick body. He's so much more than that. Doctors know physical. God knows heart. Let God guide every decision you make...

Prayer requests... Patience between me and Walt as these two non medical people navigate this very medical time. Skilled hands. Peaceful hearts. Perspective. We miss Fenley. Pray for her please that we protect her from our heartache as best we can. Our bodies can't quite keep up with our spirits either so pray for strength for all four of us. Pray we continue to see God's perfect gracious hand and that we keep asking Him to give us the sweetest gifts each day - through Wills.

Pray for Wills. Pray he thrives! Pray that he knows how much I love him. Pray he can supernaturally feel our love for him. 

Praise God with us. Seriously, would you just full blown worship and happy dance with us for how good God is? Tell Him thank you for us. Help us shine more glory to Heaven! 

I got peed on :) when I found out Wills was a boy I had moms start telling me get ready to get peed on all the time during diaper changes. Fast forward to the NICU... The precious nurses there let me change his diaper when I was in there. Each time I changed him I lingered wanting to get peed on. Call me crazy, I don't care :) our 3rd day, I prayed that The Lord would let me get peed on. Held him for about 12 hours that day as I was getting discharged the next day. When they picked him up each time to do his vitals, I stood to change his diaper... still no pee. Then one time they came to get him for vitals and when they picked him up, my tank top was SOAKED! He peed all out of his diaper and all over both of us :) I didn't get a trickle, I got drenched. I just cried and thanked God and Walt may have to have an intervention to make me wash that tank top :)

So many stories to tell... Just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God adores His children, rewards their faithfulness and provides magnificently. He is amazing and we are in awe. Each breath Wills takes tells me to keep asking for God to show up and give us more stories to tell on this earth on their behalf. He and God are up to a very cool work in the Heavenlies...

In marvelous joy,

Lauren Bowie :)

My Wills is in his crib!

His birthday cake

Oh ya know, just watching a movie together at midnight!

Baby dedication in our backyard :) best feeling EVER...God was tangibly there. Still is.

In the backseat of a CAR!!! Daddy drove 11mph :)

Sondra, one of our awesome nurses reading him bible stories...

Sissy love!

Daddy admiring him in his crib before his one week birthday... Be still my heart...

Wills says "Hi world!"

Peaceful chats with our nighttime NICU nurse, Pam. 

Wills is sleeping soundly, sweetly, perfectly...on me right now! Our 3rd night with him. Yep, 3rd night :) and savoring each moment with this miracle boy. Also, falling in love all over again with my boyfriend/husband Walt. He's given me butterflies more times than I can count in the last 60 hours.

Nurses coming by to pray over WLB. 

Neonatologist tearing up, sharing how our story has grown his faith.

He smells better than anything I've ever smelled... I make all the family that visits sniff his precious head.

Our room smells like a florist from all the flowers. 

God is here with us. We are living, breathing witnesses to His goodness. I'm trying to keep all the stories straight in my head and heart. Hope to share more later. There are SO MANY STORIES.

We prayed for physical healing but God's perfect will. The second he came out of my stomach and I got to see him, I realized we received God's perfect will and he was just that... PERFECT. 

Thanks for the prayers, y'all - pray we are good stewards of our time with him, his story and his life. We are chosen and thankful for this special calling! And pray we get some rest, too.

A few pics below... Night night. 

Ready to have a baby... 10.17.13

His 1 day birthday. 

My two handsome gentlemen. 

Snuggle time today with my little stud. Best 60 hours of my life so far.

Us four, full hearts... Our first full day with him. 

Anticipation

So many thoughts packed in to these last few weeks of pregnancy for me. Pregnancy at the end is not exactly fun (for most mamas) when everything is rocking along smoothly... But then to throw in a diagnosis where most babies are aborted for being "incompatible with life" makes things particularly...hmm, interesting. We've heard that up to 75% of babies with T18 are aborted :( I'm not here to judge. It's a heavy diagnosis. God sees the heart of every man and He has grace for every decision on this human planet when we turn to Him. Not here to cast stones...just here to study how I can walk this out to honor Him. That's all I can do: me personally glorify Him with my decision to keep rocking out with Wills in my belly. I pray others choose the same because the harvest here is remarkable! Or should I say... Marvelous? :)

As a little girl, I remember pulling up to a gas station on one of our many road trips. Tommy and I were probably 5 and 7. Side note - most of my favorite childhood memories are of being in the backseat of my parents car, listening to them chat and share life, dad drinking coffee from a thermos, John Secada music in the background and dad eating cherry Halls cough drops. I still only eat cherry Halls cough drops just because they remind me of being in that safe back seat. Thanks mom and dad for quite the sweet and very safe childhood :) Back to the gas station... We see a family living out of their car. They had two kids that seemed to be me and Tommy's ages. I was overwhelmed to the point of tears. I NEEDED to help them. Something deep down ached inside. Must admit, always been a softie. Tommy, on the other hand, thought they should just go get a job at McDonald's :) 

That's been an overwhelming theme to my life...I've wanted to feed the homeless. Protect the oppressed. Seriously, have googled how to be a foster parent no telling how many times. I sound like a saint until I say this... I've never followed through and that has always discouraged me about myself. Truly, have felt like I am not living out my calling my whole life.

When God gave me Walt and Fenley, I decided that must be my mission field for now. Serving them. But there was still that nagging thought that I wanted to do more. The verses in Matthew 25 that talk about serving the least of these have HAUNTED my heart:

"Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

Matthew 25:34-40

Background story detour... God sparked a relationship in January of this year between the wisest woman I now know and me. She is deaf and is now on hospice care for cancer. Let me tell you something...that woman has taught me so much about service to God and a REAL relationship with Him. There is no telling how many lives she has changed. And do you want to know her advice about how to find your area of service to God? Seek Him. Love Him. Know Him. Get to know Love Himself and you will naturally find yourself in service to Him and loving it. She has ministered to me in ways I can't comprehend yet. She and I have emailed back and forth for ten months and have only met once. I actually caught myself reading her emails over and over and God gently saying... "Back to the bible, Lauren" :) After that advice about service from her, that verse about serving the least of these has not haunted me as much. I've spent the last ten months laying down a lot of things at the cross. A LOT. This season would not have the fruit it does without the love God has poured over me through her. 

Back to serving the least of these. As this pregnancy ticks by...I'm overwhelmed physically and emotionally. Absolutely exhausted. Heartburn. Heartbreak. Restless nights. Worry. Anxious about every doctor visit. Anticipating a c section and this story playing out while I'm numb from chest down. Hormones are CRAZY. (ex: I made Walt a caramel cake. After 4 days I threw it out. He came home wanting another piece and I sobbed because I had already thrown it out. Poor Walt.)

And then I read something in my devotional yesterday with the Matthew 25 parable attached to it... "Sometimes we are called to give up our money or COMFORTS to provide for the needs of others." Wow. Shocking revelation to me. I have spent a lot of my life praying for an opportunity to serve. And that He would reveal when I could be privileged enough to really serve Him. And here I am... Doing what no one else can. For one baby. My perfect in Christ baby. Making a difference and believing in my son, when the world and doctors say not to. Hello Heartburn, Heartache and Hormones, come and stay a while. C-Section? Bring it. I'm just serving my God by loving on my son. A "least of these" that only I am currently called to serve. I count it a privilege to walk this beautiful story. Nothing short of a pure calling. Safe to say, that parable in Matthew 25 now encourages me instead of haunts me. Praising God for revealing that to me! 

And that turns me to Jesus' story... A baby who was born in a stable, a man who only lived 33 years and died on a cross. Never had a "home". Never defended Himself in court. All of his friends scattered. He came here knowing what He was up against. From the worlds perspective He was a failure. But open the door of your heart to Him, and find He is magnificently perfect. His humble story teaches us how to unpack our humble, imperfect stories. And how to walk through an "incompatible with life" diagnosis. Because aren't we all a little incompatible with life here on earth? :) Wills just has a physical diagnosis that demands our attention. But Wills' physically "broken" diagnosis has healed this mama's spiritual heart and given me my first real opportunity to serve my least of these. Pray I continue to do it boldly. 

Jesus, in distress, prayed for God to pass His cup of suffering but God's will, not His. That's my exact prayer now. Every day. Pass this cup. Heal our son. But if You don't, then I trust Your hand here. If you feel God leading you to pray for us, join us in that prayer please. 

A sweet precious friend texted me this verse this week. Said God put it on her heart to share with me :) I LOVE when He does this...makes my walk with Him very sweet. It was very timely. 

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" 

Numbers 23:19 

So as we wait another 23 days at the most, know that we are relying on God speaking and acting, promising and fulfilling. Marvelous anticipation. 

That's all for now :) love to y'all in Gods perfect spirit!

Pity Party

Hello, my name is Lauren Masa Landrum Bowie and I threw my very own pity party this morning. It was really fun... Ok, not really. 

Among the thoughts this morning...

1) Why me?

2) 9 weeks is a long time to know your son has a "not livable" condition diagnosis. We are in our 9th week currently and have 36 days left at the most. We are weary.

3) My blood pressure has been a little elevated so I can't really do a whole lot and really really have to watch what I eat. Goodbye, October candy corn obsession.

4) I don't want to go to the grocery store.

5) Fenley is really hard to potty train and I am failing miserably. 

6) I just want to get dressed, feel cute, go on a date with my husband and not think about such heavy things for even a moment...

7) I feel really fat :)

8) I'm tired of wearing the same clothes over and over and over...

9) I miss Walt. Mondays are never pretty for me because we've had him home all weekend and now we are back by ourselves. 

You get the picture. 

One of the hardest things right now is knowing how to pray, what to pray, what to ask for, what to expect in faith, etc... I know I am over complicating it. I know I just need to be honest with God. My honesty right now is just not very inspiring and it's kinda exhausting...even just trying to be honest with myself. 

All that said... I do have a point to my rambling. 

I'm a picture person. I always have my camera. Well, I lost my camera charger. It's an older model so finding a replacement charger has been hard and has been on my to do list since about February :) the closer we get to Wills' delivery, the more this camera charger has nagged my mind (of the million other things). 

This morning during my pity party, I started looking at my list to see what I could get out of the way, from home, while I'm on self imposed bed rest (my doctor thinks I'm crazy I'm sure...he told me bed rest was not necessary but I'm trying to do all I can to keep me and Wills healthy). Seeing that camera charger still on my list, I felt the Holy Spirit say... Call your grandparents. I shrugged it off. He said it again. So I called my dads parents in Laurel and left them a voice message knowing they probably thought I was crazy too, looking for this random camera charger. 

Short story long :) she called me back and said they had a random camera charger in their junk drawer that fits LP-E5 batteries...my exact charger. Turns out I left it there when we had Fenleys second birthday party there in January of this year. She's mailing it to me today and I was overly excited about this sweet victory. We get off the phone and I felt God say to my heart...

You didn't pray about your camera charger. But I found it for you and met that desire so you could have a charged camera at the hospital for Wills' arrival. How much more do you think I have his arrival planned? 

Cue the happy tears... I've said it before and I'll say it again... He's taking really good care of me :) once again, God has intervened in my misery and turned it into hope! Is our diagnosis different? Nope. Do I know anything new about Wills or the delivery? Nope. But God comes and says...I AM ENOUGH. And I say back and I deeply know that yes, You certainly are...

That's all for today, little world...from one mama that had a pity party, who thought she was alone, but turns out someone else attended that pity party and even brought me a present...my missing camera charger :)

Highlights

Well I started a blog, so I guess that means I need to blog some :)

We had our 31 week appointment today and baby Wills is up to 3 pounds and 11 ounces. His heart rate was good, too. And so far no swelling for this mama (who had preeclampsia with my last pregnancy). We had such a peace about this appointment today and God blessed us with good news and we take it as a pure gift from Him on this journey. It lifted our spirits and hearts. 

I'm at my parents house for the night because Fenley and Walt went to West to help his dad with peanuts tomorrow morning. I can honestly say Walt is home to me now and that's a good feeling (no offense, mom and dad). Nothing is as fun without him. I guess I'll keep him :)

There are a few highlights to life right now... No matter the dark season you think you are in, there are always bright spots. A few of my current highlights:

1) Shout out to Fenley Grace and her awesome hair styling skills with her My Little Pony horses. It's amazing to watch her play and how she wants me fully there...as in "both feet on the bed" or "booty on the floor" or "watch me, mama". She loves my full attention and makes my life as a mama feel pretty special. 

2) I looked up the definition of marvelous again and it occurred to me to read the antonyms of marvelous. The opposite of marvelous is: commonplace, awful. So we know this story God is writing isn't commonplace or awful. He has not lifted the curtain to the ending yet but is revealing tidbits along the way. I love that about Him!

3) The encouragement from our families, friends and even people we have never met or rarely see has been remarkable. And so humbling. We got a card in the mail the other day that we actually didnt know who it was from and it was a very cool feeling. I could go on and on... Just know the thoughtfulness and support and prayers are so beyond appreciated. 

4) We found a photographer that does sessions for families that may not have long with their babies. I am obsessed with her work and she just so happens to be certified to do the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (an organization that is AMAZING and I didn't even know it existed before any of this) sessions in addition to her awesome regular work. Her name is Jennifer Rutledge and we have not met yet but we have already bonded through email. I asked her about when to mail her our deposit and she replied that she does this as a gift to the family. Which made me cry very happy tears. I told Walt it was the first time that I had felt like "the least of these", someone serving us in a way we could not repay them. (www.rutledgephotography.com)

5) A pastor at Pinelake who will remain nameless :) has tended to us so boldly in Christ. He has been our Paul in this. Keeping our theology in check, making sure we don't go down any "is this my fault?" roads. Loving on us through the Word and reminding us of REAL truth. He calls us out when our thinking is off and points us back to Christ and the work on the cross. Our meetings have proven to provide much energy for this chapter God is writing. 

6) I have discovered eggless cookie dough. From Fresh Market and worth every penny ($7.99 for a pint). I'm convinced a pregnant woman invented this stuff. 

7) One of my favorite parts of the day is hearing the garage door open around 5:30 or 6:00... Knowing Walt is home to hang out with his girls :) we would go to work with him every day if he would let us. The days we get to meet him for lunch (usually somewhere glamorous like Chickfila) are so fun. Fenley instantly leaves me in the dust and turns into a major daddy's girl.

8) Baby Wills has hair! We can see it on the ultrasound! I am getting REALLY excited about meeting this baby boy. He and I will have a bond that lasts past a lifetime and that I know to be true.

9) Last and absolutely not least... When I open my bible and am feeling despair set in, but I choose to dig in instead of worry. And that mustard seed of faith kicks in and I KNOW God will meet me in this quiet space, and then He shows up and rains on my dry and thirsty land. He quenches my thirst and bears me up. Every. Single. Time. He is taking really good care of me and I am humbled and grateful.

To wrap up with some truth :) Good night, little world! 

"The LORD is good,

A strong refuge when trouble comes. 

He is close to those who trust in Him,"

Nahum 1:7

"Since He Himself has gone through suffering and testing, He is able to help us when we are being tested."

Hebrews 2:18

"So don't be afraid, little flock. For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom."
Luke 12:32

Ready to share...

Gosh, where do you start with a story like this one?

I suppose I will start from the get go...

Walt and I were married for 3 months when we found out we were pregnant in June 2010 with our little girl Fenley Grace.  It really threw us for a loop because we only dated for 8 months and were engaged for 6 even shorter months.  We did not want to start a family for a few years.  I can honestly say we were freaked out and overwhelmed at the prospect of becoming parents already.  I'll never forget the night I took the positive pregnancy test, after nearly hyperventilating, and making Walt get off the phone so I could tell him we are pregnant (no cute reveal story here!)... and then after calling my best friend and mentor Jan because I could barely breathe... Walt and I went for a walk.  I asked that sweet man if we could do this, to which he replied:  If God allowed us to get pregnant, that means we can do this.  Turns out, having a baby girl is the highlight of my life.  Exhausting at times, hard to see straight but the pros of parenthood outweigh the cons so fiercely that I cannot fathom life without our princess/alligator/bunny rabbit/zebra/frog (she wakes up in a different world everyday... we think she may be a vet one day)

Fast forward 3 years to August of this year, August 2nd to be exact :) ... sitting in an ultrasound room, tech taking way too many pictures for me to ask if everything looked ok because I deep down knew better, and Walt promising Fenley a chocolate donut with sprinkles if she behaves in the ultrasound room getting to see baby brother Wills.  The tech wraps up, Walt and Fenley leave to get that promised chocolate donut with sprinkles and I walk to my routine doctor visit that has honestly never lasted more than 3 minutes.  Doctor comes in immediately, which never happens... and I actually bring up that I have gained 15 pounds at 25 weeks and asked if that was okay.  Goodness, when you're off track and self absorbed you can barely see it until you are sobered like we have been.

Doctor proceeds to tell us that our baby boy has some (4 to be exact) markers for a chromosomal abnormality and he wants us to see a specialist... My vision literally starts pulsing.  This was more than air being knocked out of me... I asked if I could text my husband to come back, which I wrote Walt "Come back".  I still can't believe I could text.  Walt walks in with Fenley in his arms and tears in his eyes and we hear that best case scenario would be Down Syndrome, worst case would be Trisomy 13.

Rewind to February when we got pregnant... again, not trying.  Not ready for round 2.  I threw up for 16 weeks.  I complained more with this pregnancy than when I was pregnant with Fenley.  I obsessed about my weight... literally weighing 2 or 3 times a day because I gained 63 pounds with Fenley and still had 25 to lose when we found out we were expecting this little peanut.  Walt and I were fighting quite a bit about the DUMBEST things like laundry, golf, whose turn it was to do this or that, dishes, diapers, budget, me being a terrible driver after blowing out two tires on my car and then driving on them ruining the hubcaps :) I am pretty sure he was wondering why he ever married me... and I may have wondered why he married me too.  Let's be honest... in this bubble we live in, we have the act down to a fine art.  Jesus had not called me to an act but I was doing quite the dance to please everyone and became a huge B in the process.  My heart knew I was meant for more.  Jesus knows our human condition and is patient thankfully.  The night before my doctor visit on that August 2nd day, I could not sleep.  I was worried and anxious all night... I stayed up and read my bible and watched a few TV preachers.  Also may have watched some Bridezillas which always makes me feel better about my life choices :) Had some quiet time.  I could feel something brewing in my Spirit.  I asked the Lord, with tears, to do whatever He had planned for us, that we were ready.  I knew we were at a point where something had to give.  Then I had this picture in my head of something being wrong with Wills' health... I had him pictured with Down Syndrome.  I said, Lord we receive
whatever You are about to do in us.  We want Your call, not our comfort.  Pretty amazing that my Lord has been preparing my heart for this, only He can do that y'all.  Just FYI :)

Back to the doctors... my OB recommends that we see a specialist.  We agree to do that.  We get an appointment on the following Monday morning, exactly 72 hours from the appointment with my OB.  Longest. Weekend. Ever.  We went to the specialist on Monday, he found 7 markers and felt like we should do an amniocentesis.  He also felt that it was Trisomy 18, if anything.  I did the amnio (and let me tell you ladies... it was a non event.  Do I want to do one everyday? No... BUT don't believe the nightmare stories you hear.  It's over in like 3 minutes start to finish with the sanitizing and everything).  We got the results back about 9 days later confirming Trisomy 18 as the diagnosis for our sweet baby Wills.  With Trisomy 18, 50% of babies don't make it to THIS earth.  Of the 50% that do get to visit THIS earth, 90% don't make it to their first birthday.

Can I just say that I have always had a love for God and His story?  It sets my heart on fire.  I could talk to a brick wall about who God is in theory, spiritual things, discuss Him and who He is. At the same time though, some of the application for me has been fuzzy and I have been one to get very bogged down in the law and have allowed confusion to set in over what means what without really asking Him to just reveal it to me as a child.  But that long weekend waiting on that specialist appointment and in the weeks following... I have seen my God that I have adored from afar come close and pick me up, carry me and tend to me ("He will feed His flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to His heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." - Isaiah 40:11).  I have been able to really meet Him and marinate in His love, not just process it.  As Job 42:5 says "My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen You." Within 24 hours of the first red flag ultrasound on August 2nd we received the word "marvelous" in 3 different scriptures...

marvelous:  1. Causing wonder or astonishment.

          2. Miraculous; supernatural.

          3. Of the highest or best kind or quality; first-rate: has a marvelous collection of rare books.

The 3 verses...in this order. Our God is so beyond good.
Psalm 139:14 (NLT)
"Thank You for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it."

Psalm 9:1 (NLT)
"I will praise You Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things You have done."

Jeremiah 33:2-3 (The Message) - we got this one 2 times in a few hours
"This is God's Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as GOD:  'Call to me and I will answer you.  I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own."

We know that our son, William Lamar Bowie, is marvelous.  We know that God is doing a marvelous work in our own hearts and lives.  God has used Wills to bring me and Walt closer than we ever thought possible.  It's a very tender time and we are embracing what God is doing and the story that He is writing.  And yes... we are 110% letting God write this story.  Day by day.  Our tendency is to run ahead in the future and grab hold of what we think may happen, or try to interpret what is going on but we are gently pulled back to TODAY.  That is all we are promised.  Right now Wills is happy in my belly at 28 weeks.  He's kicking the laptop on my belly as I type.  And I am content in receiving what God does here.  From that first weekend of intense pain and intimacy with God and each other, we have said if this is what it takes to produce lasting fruit for eternity then let's do this in faith and trust and whatever else God wants to do in us.  Pray for us in that.  Pray that we are continually sobered and pulled closer and closer to our Creator... the One knitting us and our son and our daughter together constantly and perfectly.  We trust His hand... it's a good hand, a big one... big enough to do whatever He wants in this story.


One more thing... if you find yourself in a place of doubt about who God is, would you just simply ask Him to reveal Himself to you?  Not in theory but in reality... the reality of where you are.  Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).  And the Bible... all those promises are real.  He actually shows up.  Keep asking, seeking, knocking (Matthew 7:7).  Anything in your head or heart that is set up against Him, just ask Him to fill it with Himself instead.  Ask Him to be near and He will come... and pray that we would continue to do the same.

We hope to keep friends and family updated as best we can as we walk this out... your prayers are being felt and so appreciated.  This is just grazing the surface of what we are experiencing but wanted to share with our little world what God is doing in our hearts, minds and lives through our precious son.  He makes all things new :)

In Him,
Lauren