Thursday, March 6, 2014

An Anniversary Composition

This has to be some kind of record. Blogged two days in a row. 

But today is a special day. It's our four year wedding anniversary. 

I had a crush on Walt before I met him. I had heard stories about him from some mutual Mississippi State Sigma Chi friends... Stories about what a good guy he was. Something about his name always stuck with me. Crazy I know. One of his friends actually got sick of me asking about him. I remember one night in particular before I could even ask... He said "No, Walt is not with me!"  Haha. Hello, stalker! I had not even met this guy but once in passing! 

Then Mr. Bowie played it super cool after we finally met. In terms of who had the upper hand, he won. I failed miserably. All I could think about was Walton Lamar Bowie. I was pathetic. 

Then one day I was giving up on him. Figured he wasn't incredibly interested. My daddy took me to lunch and listened to me whine. Then he wrote down three characteristics to look for in a mate (we Landrums are known for list making). I still have the list. Thank you Daddy Dave. 

Here it is...
1) Chemistry
2) Physical attraction
3) Morals

And I added...because Walt and I had those three things...

4) Mutual interest. 

Anyway, miraculously after I signed off he got the cue somehow (Thank You Jesus!) and literally THAT day took me Christmas shopping for his mom through Williams Sonoma, holding my hand the whole time then to a movie then we were hardly ever apart. I officially felt like his girlfriend and officially felt so completely safe :)

He said I love you after a cheesy overpriced Valentines dinner a few months later and the following September we were engaged. 6 months later, we were hitched! To try to cover all the ground of our story isn't my point. I really just want to brag on my hunk. Sticking to true Landrum form I am going to make a list...

My ode to Mr Bowie...

1.) I love that he's taller and bigger than me :) being an inch and a half short of 6' tall I need a big man. Homeboy has shoulders that would barely fit through a standard sized door frame. I finally felt petite! And that's a huge deal. 

2.) I love that he can drive a tractor and wear a cashmere scarf. Not necessarily at the same time though :) 

3.) I love that he puts me in my place. I am a feisty one at times and he puts the fear of God in me when I need it. Trust me. I need it. 

4.) I love his fancy taste. If it's not quality enough to last a lifetime, he ain't interested. Truly I think he's a 1920s man at heart. Old school and classic.

5.) I love that he's all man. He doesn't pretend to like chick flicks or sissy restaurants. He rolls his eyes at my suggestions and we end up at Two Rivers for a ribeye and baked potato. I like it :)

6.) I love that he's tender. He can't talk about Wills without tearing up. And he's a total goober for our little girl. I love that when it comes to having babies, he's a total marshmallow. He cries and cries in the delivery room and for the entire duration of the hospital visit. After we get discharged, he mostly snores and works :)

7.) I love that he likes to take me on lunch dates and that I know what he's going to order before he orders it. 

8.) I love that he is loyal. Sometimes to a fault...but it's just in his DNA. 

9.) I love that he's going to be embarrassed by this blog post. He's not much for being bragged on (unlike me...brag on me all day please and thank you!). Look up humble in the dictionary and you'll see his handsome face. 

10.) I just love him. I love how he makes me feel. I love his big hands and big feet. I love his cologne and his clothes. I love how he provides. I love that he really wants to be thoughtful but he's too man brained to pull it off and it still be a surprise. I love that if our power grid undergoes a terrorist attack he will move our family to the country and hunt for a living and be pretty stinking hot while literally bringing home the bacon. Okay I'm laughing out loud now. I love that he STILL doesn't know how to start our dishwasher. I'm sorry y'all... Old school roles make me crazy but weak in the knees all at the same time! 

From the depths of me... I know I was put here for a purpose. And part of that purpose is I am called to love and respect Walt Bowie. For better. For worse. For richer. For poorer. In sickness. And in health. Til death do us part. We've tasted death and Walt has never shown himself more true in Jesus. 

And one last thing... You married a skinny girl (about 30 pounds lighter than right now) and my anniversary gift to you is to throw my hat over the fence in front of my 3 readers (Hey Mom, Jan and Kimberly!) and tell you I'm going to get back to that skinny girl. Thank you for being patient with me as I have birthed two babies in four years and eaten way too many cupcakes :) 

Cheers to four years! I love you!

Why not throw in some pics? :) 

Our first picture together. I didn't necessarily look like a stalker but trust me... I was!!

Our first New Year's Eve together. 

Yes, this was the guy I had fallen in love with :)

First beach trip with his family!

After he popped the question. Pretty sure I was saying...are you sure you wanna marry me???

Our West engagement party

Cutting our cake. 

On our honeymoon to Highlands, NC!

This looks cute and cuddly. But he's actually gritting his teeth and trying to strangle me here in front of the Lincoln memorial :) told y'all I am feisty. 

I've burned any evidence of my physical appearance while pregnant with Fenley. It got bad! Let's fast forward to daddy hood!!! He became the master swaddler!!

Much needed vacation to NYC a couple summers ago. We loved Eataly! Even though he may have rolled his eyes a bit :)

Back to daddy hood :)

We all three love you more than words Walt... You are truly a marvelous provider, husband and daddy. 

Your 3 Bowies

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

"Bittachon" (aka Confidence)

Hi there :)

I'll get straight to it today. 

God has given me a lot of verses lately with the word "confidence" in them. To name the 3 most frequent so far...

Jeremiah 17:7
But blessed are those who trust in The Lord and have made The Lord their hope and confidence. 
Psalm 108:1
My heart is confident in You, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises with all my heart.
Micah 7:7
As for me, I look to The Lord for help. I wait confidently for God to save me, and my God will certainly hear me.

The Hebrew word for confidence is "Bittachon"...

"Expresses a sense of well being and security that results from placing confident expectation in God." I want that kind of confidence!

I don't know about you but when my confidence is anywhere but in Him I completely flounder. 

Floun.der (verb)
1. Full blown internal flailing as said subject grasps unattractively for control; may cause moodiness and constant self disappointment. 
2. Discovering new depths of anxiety and creatively worrying while spinning wheels. 
3. Causes one to eat lots of chocolate cupcakes in order to self soothe. 

In all seriousness though... Where is my confidence? 

My abilities? My healthy toddler? My image? My closet contents? My plans? My bank account? My marriage? My future children? My home? My health? My mind? The idol of ME?

May this become my heart... "Lord, my heart is not proud; my eyes are not haughty. I don't concern myself with matters too great or too awesome for me to grasp. Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself, like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother's milk. Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in The Lord, now and always."
Psalm 131:2-3

Texted with my friend Kimberly this morning. Asked her if she is going to give something up for Lent.  I could tell her wheels had already been spinning about this before I even asked. Our text logs go from toddler funnies to Girl Scout cookies to Heaven to stretchy pants and then maybe a littlle Revelation thrown in and usually end with an old joke... ya know, cause we are 30 now ;). Our friendship is one for the books. 

So this one ended with us giving up exercise for Lent :) we think we are hilarious. 

Seriously though. She has given up two babies that are now in Heaven. And continues giving them up everyday, along with her toddler, marriage, constant pain and current pregnancy among many other things. Kimberly doesn't just flippantly say she surrenders...she walks it out. It's inspiring to me. She really works out her salvation and digests everything through the lens of faith in Jesus.  I have been giving up Wills (for 7 months and 3 days to be exact) since we got his fatal diagnosis. I give up my toddler and marriage too. We want to live a life of constant surrender to Him. So yeah I plan to still eat chocolate and drink a root beer here or there. And continue to surrender my heart and best laid plans.

Jesus went to the wilderness and fasted for 40 days after His ministry started...

"He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness..." Luke 4:1. He was led: by...the...Spirit. Hoping and praying I'll be led by the Spirit in and through and during my own wilderness seasons of "giving up".

Another verse to chew on... 

"You have died with Christ, and He has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 'Don't handle! Don't taste! Don't touch!'? Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self denial and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person's evil desires." Colossians 2:20-23

Ya know one thing I love about Jesus? He doesn't fit into anyone's box. Let's draw near to Him this season... He is certainly going to ask you to surrender. And it just may be a lot bigger and sweeter than anything we can possibly fathom. Let's anticipate His hand at work with confident expectation! 

Happy Hump Day :)