Ok so she hasn't actually said that but actions do speak louder than words...and we just finished our second day in a row with no nap. And oh my gosh I'm tired! So I've been getting creative as the day goes by to keep her awake for a decent bedtime. She took an hour plus bath this afternoon. Yesterday it was baking cookies. I feel like I've got nothing but time these days...
So I play extra long with Fenley. And go on dates with Walt. And I do extra laundry and dishes (my house is REALLY tidy). And we deliver chocolate cakes to the NICU. And decorate for Christmas. And I text with friends a lot. And read a bunch of really sweet notes from y'all. And have embarrassingly long lunches with long lost friends. And Fenley and I go bother Walt at the office :) and beg family to come for a visit. One thought that has helped me get this far is...that I would rather be at home taking care of Wills, but since I can't be, I'm happy to be able to _______. It has helped my outlook a lot and also helps me fill my time with good things and good people :)
The time I had Wills was so rich. So rich that I don't think there is a word for it here on earth. And ya know what I'm learning... The time I had with Wills was rich because God wrote the story. Wills had an awesome 15 days because Life Giver God allowed him that. I love Wills beyond words because God gave me that love for him. Our story is marvelous because God called it marvelous. Wills got to come home because God said he could. I got to carry that precious child because God kept his heart beating. We have lifelong friends now because God has given us them. I tell Wills' story because God allows me. We keep walking because God makes our feet walk. He is our EVERYTHING. I'm a chicken. That's why He picked me I'm quite sure. Because He knew I would have to rely on Him. So trust me, if God can show Himself marvelous through me, He can do it with you too. You've never met a bigger coward (left to my own devices) than me. Christ in me, the ONLY hope for glory...
And who knows what's next for this little family. Or this strong-in-Christ chicken of a mama. It's a mystery...just like Wills' story was. But God showed up flawlessly and will show up in the mystery of our next season too. And every moment in between. I guess life really is beautiful because of the mystery. Doesn't make the mystery any easier to understand at times but Gods presence makes it worth it :)
Memo to other chickens: the worrying anticipation of EVERY SINGLE event surrounding Wills' birth, life and death was worse than the reality. Just FYI :)
All that said... Could I ask you to pray for me? I love the comfortable intimacy I learned with God through my season with Wills and really don't want to lose it. Just being honest. Anything I can pray for you? Seriously. Anything? Please share your burden or joy with me. Wills grew my heart a lot and I would love to share some of that love with you.
Thank you in advance...
"Has The Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!"
"What joy for those whose strength comes from The Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem."
"...'No one can receive anything unless God gives it from Heaven.'"
Good night y'all.
Here are some pics I would like to share, just because I can :)
Wills' stocking. I thought about ordering a little boy themed stocking for him but started thinking...he's so much more than a little boy. A lighthouse is much more appropriate for his fruitful, marvelous life.
Our nativity. Notice a tiny boy to the right? He's looking up to Heaven and holding a balloon called "hope"... I like to call him Wills :) because he gave me back my hope.
My Christmas village :) a holiday indulgence that I can't pass up! These houses make me embarrassingly giddy!
Basically force feeding our favorite neonatologist yummy chocolate cake before 10:00AM. He's just amazing.
Looking right at the camera :) while his head was still bruised from labor. He had very serious eyes in my opinion. Pretty sure he knew what he was up to here...
A fave for sure. I love my wrinkles now :) they're proof I'm one day closer to seeing him again.
Another favorite. And again, those serious eyes.
"I wanna hold him finger" - FGB (will never forget her saying that!)
Latest purchase...Enough said :)