Wills went to be with Jesus 15 days ago. What an interesting road this has been and still is. I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't want to raise Wills as the old me...which is who I would still be if not for his perfect little life. I would be complaining about sleep deprivation, pumping, hospital bills, weight retention (aka - I can't stop eating sweets), not enough "me" time and totally missing the glory of him. Could go on and on. I remember the old me too well unfortunately.
Thank You Jesus for your work on the cross that Wills can be in paradise with you. How cool are you, really, Jesus? That you gave your all for ugly hearts like mine. That I would have you with me in the valleys - particularly the valley of the shadow of death - and the mountaintops. Goodness. Glory.
I've got some thoughts on Heaven. Sometimes I get overwhelmed or intimidated at the thought of what Heaven may be like. I can't comprehend it so my mind can get boggled easily... Because it's unknown to my flesh. But if I've learned ANYTHING on this road it's this: If You are involved, then it's GOOD. And if Heaven is where Your Word says Your throne is, then my goodness, what more do I need to know? :)
The road of contentment in this life is paved in humility. God has taken me to Luke 17 quite often in my heart...
"When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, 'Come in and eat with me'? No, he says, 'Prepare my meal, put on your apron, and serve me while I eat. Then you can eat later.' And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do? Of course not. In the same way, when you obey me you should say, 'We are unworthy servants who have simply done our duty.'"
I like to think this duty for us from God sounded a little like this...
Boy, William Lamar Bowie
Parents, Walt and Lauren Bowie
Big sister, Fenley Grace
Birth time, 12:34PM
Brown hair and a hairy back
He will always sneeze twice like his mom
He prefers his right side
I'm allowing T18 because that will bring more glory to My Name
Let's give them the word Marvelous 4 times...they'll need it
Life on earth, 15 days
God said 15... I humbly whisper, "Ok." Who am I to question? And not only do we say "Ok"...but we say thank you. For a sober heart. For 20/20 glory vision. For a son. For a calling. For a new fire in our hearts. For restoration. For marvelous. For meeting us here and being so stinking good to us.
Some folks assume I don't want to be around anything "baby" right now. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love your babies!! They're precious. They smell awesome. They're lovely creations of God that He has entrusted to YOU. I adore your baby and I hope you adore and talk to me about my baby. I got my mama's boy. He's in Heaven... I raised him here. I got to plan his life celebration because he had a LIFE! I think he's irresistibly perfect for me. And your baby is perfect for you. Trust me, be yourself around me. Brag on your baby because I can promise you I'll be bragging about mine!
I am convinced the Holy Spirit LOVES Baptist Hospital. We went to visit the other day - literally hoping to see ONE NICU nurse (Sondra Finkbeiner - I wanna be like her when I grow up!). Well... We see my OBGYN, who talks to Walt for 10 minutes about duck hunting (insert drooling husband) and even mentioned Walt going with him on a duck hunt. Then we get in the NICU and next thing we know, almost the entire team that got us home with Wills was there by chance - even Lee, our Oxygen guy :) it was just too good! We even got to pray together. Hello, glory! And shared a few Wills stories too of course...
Last train of thought I'll indulge tonight... Most of this blog has been about Wills. Well, I would like to say how crazy I am about my baby girl. She is MANY things that I wish I were. And she's only 2. I feel quite certain that she is going to have a marvelously fruitful life for the Kingdom. The faith of a child is a beautiful thing. For the first few days after Wills went to Heaven, she would go to his crib and say, "Where is Baby Wills?" And we would reply with him being in Heaven with Jesus and she would simply, excitedly say... "Ok!". I mean really, thank you Fenley Grace for teaching me. You and your brother are legit and I am so proud that God entrusted both of you to me.
Enough for tonight I suppose :)
Some pics...because there are literally like 1,700 of them and I just feel like sharing some tonight. Part of my process :) I love missing Wills, it's the next best thing to having him.